Not too many days ago, I posted my sentiments at the w@w yahoogroup, asking my fellow brides-to-be if it ever crossed their minds not to push through with the wedding. Because it did mine, quite a few times already. I’m not having a Is-he-the-man-I-want-to-be-with-for-the-rest-of-my-life? wedding jitter nor the Am-I-really-ready-to-commit? kind. No, it’s not like that.

My reasons were more on being practical: 1) I want something non-traditional, something intimate and small. A wedding just amongst ourselves and our families. 2) And that I am reluctant to spend for what the guests will think and say about our wedding. I don’t want to create a wedding to please my guests.

Before I let out these thoughts in writing, I was planning a wedding. Happily doing so? I’m not sure. On the borderline of sanity? Most likely.

If you’ve followed this blog, you know that I’m weaving a dream wedding on a budget. Now, you shouldn’t take people seriously when they speak of making your dreams come true on a shoestring budget. It’s just another dream.

Yes, I learned that. And I also learned that most dream weddings involve guests. Did I say I’m hesitant to spend for them? As I go deeper into the crazy world of wedding preparations, I slowly but very clearly realized that I was planning a wedding for my guests. The menu, the setup, the flowers, even my dress are at the mercy of their scrutiny and judgment. And I fear both. So I sometimes find myself making decisions based on whether or not it will have a ‘wow’ factor on my beloved guests. Whose dream wedding is it anyway? I’ve fallen in my own trap.

So I had to stop and ask, in an effort to bring back sense into myself and our wedding.

Why should I share my wedding to a group of guests (who probably only half are well-wishers and the other half are onlookers, whom I don’t want to spend money for)?

But then, why should I keep it amongst ourselves?

Why spend for a one-day-affair instead of using the money to buy something else? Something more lasting.

But why not, if the one-day affair is the most important day of our lives? Don’t memories last?

If you have the chance to make a dream come true, why won’t you take it? Cinderella took it even if the dream only lasts until 12 midnight. And look what happened.

But if the dream has a price tag, will you buy it?

Why won’t you?

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I am truly grateful to the w@w community for sharing what they can to help me remember what weddings are for and the essence of planning for it. Ours is still a budget (nothing we can do about that). But I am ‘re-dreaming’ and redeeming it.

Also worth mentioning are two posts from A Pratical Wedding and East Side Bride, that provided the last waves of current for my light bulb moment.

Happy preps to everyone. And to me, too =)

The past weeks had been a never-ending search for a wedding caterer, photographer and whatnot. I was telling myself everything would have been easier if our prospects (vendors) won’t have to subject to 3 important qualifications:

1. That they deliver good-quality service.

2. That they fit our budget.

3. That they deliver good-quality service and fit our budget.

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Seriously, a budget wedding  is so damn easy to achieve. All that one really needs to get married is an officiating personnel, the rings, some witnesses and a partner. It’s actually the dream that complicates everything. And it’s when we get so mired in our fairy-tale ideas that wedding preparations became what seems to be a never-ending period of madness.

We’re sweating that small stuff because, yes, dream weddings are made up of those teeny, weeny bit of details. If we didn’t get the right color. If the ribbons were tied differently. If the band played the wrong song.

I got lost in the trappings of my own dream wedding that I failed to see the essence of it all. I had to pause, step back and look at the wider picture. I had to stop looking behind rose-colored eyes.

I want OUR wedding (not mine alone) to celebrate us. Not stage us. Yes, that is my dream.

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Did anyone fits the bill? No one did and I think I’m going crazy.